Competitive Parenting

Besides not having a Primary Election, there are a lot of things that just don't seem to be done in Maine - for the greater good of us all, I should add. For instance, we don't look twice at a blue tarped house, we don't consider 8am "very early," we don't need traffic lights because we drive courteously and we don't engage in Competitive Parenting.

Competitive Parenting is the practice of one-upmanship in regard to the progress your child is making in his or her development. It is reaching for (and creating) advantage over other children so that yours will get into a better pre-school, school, college, career, life. Experts say competitive parenting occurs to the detriment of the children and that's no wonder, is it? Pushing your child into classes, lessons, sports, etc. rather than just letting them choose their interests and have fun can't be a good thing, can it? But I think Competitive Parenting is most detrimental to the parents themselves.

(I was looking for a great definition of Competitive Parenting and stumbled onto this article in the Boston Globe which is worth a read if you're looking for a chuckle. http://www.boston.com/news/globe/editorial_opinion/oped/articles/2006/09/25/this_week_in_competitive_parenting/)


As I write this I think of the other Moms I know and am friendly with - we are a large and diverse group. There isn't a mother amongst us who doesn't want the best for her children and for them to attain success in all they do. Some of us are more liberal, others more conservative, some more eco-aware, some more churchy, but for the most part we are able to parent our kids and share our weaknesses and fears with each other in the process.

That I can admit to threatening my boy with not only going back to work, but going back to work in NYC and sending money for a babysitter, to my group of girlfriends is a good thing. And that I can share this and not be met with revulsion and judgment, but rather, understanding and sympathy and comments like, "I am so glad you shared that because I just fake-threatened my girl that she wouldn't be able to go on holiday with us!" is a wonderful thing. We've all had moments we are not proud of in raising our children because full time parenting can be so trying. Every child is different, every day is different, every challenge is different and there is no one right way to approach it. If it weren't for my fellow Moms, no matter how different they are in their political/religious/fundamental views, who would I commiserate with? And if I were unable to commiserate with this very varied group of women, how would I know I wasn't the only one who sometimes felt like/became a crazy lady, shrieking at her babies because they don't listen to whatever request for the 18th time in the last 5 minutes for the 12th time on a particular day and it is only 1 o'clock. What a lonely existence it would be without the shared stories of failure and success in a group of women who are not judging one another or comparing their kids to one another's.

Maybe it is a survival thing, because the climate here can be tough and there is a real sense of being able to rely on one's neighbors if necessary. Or maybe it is a "from away" thing, just like living in an expatriate community overseas, that makes the group supportive and accepting because many of us share being from someplace else. But whatever it is, we don't seem to partake in Competitive Parenting here in Maine, and that, like slowing down to let somebody in on the road, like grass-roots government, like being able to call a friend at 8am, is a good thing.