I set out to write this piece with good debt personified as a white night, galloping across some highlands, like I’ve only read about in 19th century English romances, covered with wild flowers of gold and red and soft yellow, dancing in a May breeze, set against a back drop of the most brilliant, azure sky. And bad debt, of course, would be a black night with red glowing eyes, riding through the lowlands of dark mystery and seductive beauty, where giant old growth trees abound and mossy crags of peat and rocks are hiding places for his victims, scrabbling along , close to the ground, hoping to escape his mighty sword (imagine sardonic laughter here). (and again here.)
But then it seemed too much like a Capital One ad.
So instead, I offer you my simple definition of “Good Debt.” Good debt is any debt accrued for an item or service necessary for basic human survival and education. Shelter, medical treatments (in America, that is, since we don’t have universal free healthcare), a car under certain circumstances, these are things worth borrowing money for, good things, good debt. Provided you can afford the home or car payments, that is, and afford them with enough money left over to pay your other expenses with cash. In my opinion, education and medicine are two things that ought to be free and should not be compromised because of budget.
Ideally we would all pay up front for our homes. But most people could never save up $230,000, or even $130,000, for a home in any reasonable amount of time while paying rent on another place. Yes, borrowing for a home is a good thing. Borrowing against your home later on, after you’ve built up some equity, well, that is never a good thing, no matter how they sell it to you. There are no easy outs of credit card debt, which is something pretty evil I’d like to look at for a minute.
Bad debt is paying more for something than it is worth because of the finance and interest rates. Pretty much all consumer debt is bad debt and most people end up paying many times over what a particular item originally cost. The credit card companies make it very easy to accrue debt, take cash advances, get in over your head. Just spend as much as you can, whether you have it or not, and then instead of paying for it with money, transfer it to another creditor or borrow the money against the roof over your head to pay. Eventually the bottom falls out, there are no more transfer options, the enticing opening rates are long gone and the fees start to multiply. It is not unusual to end up in a pile of month old mail, face down on the carpet, softly banging your head against the floor, a sinking feeling of despair sitting like so much bile in the pit of your stomach as you wonder how on earth you are going to pay all these bills, as you realize that as much as you are paying, the balances keep increasing because of the insane loan sharky interest rates and fees.
At least that is what happened to me. How I got there doesn’t matter. There is where I ended up and by the grace of my lucky stars someone turned me on to a company called Debt-free America, a non-profit debt pooling program that turned it all around for me. Real quick, what they do is take over your credit card payments, automatically deducting one lump sum from your checking account each month. Then they get the creditors to lower interest rates, forgive some fees, behave like civilized people. And in return you promise not to take on any loans or credit of any kind until your debt is paid off – for me, it’ll be 5 years, ending up in summer ’09, woohoo! They force you to pay with cash, if you break your end of the bargain, all deals are off and the credit card companies can go back to their evil ways. They are the true evil doers, by the way, but that’s beside the point.
The point is, if you are sinking in bad debt, there is a solution and it doesn’t involve another loan or moving your debt to another lender. I wonder why we don’t hear more about these non-profit debt pooling programs. Well, you’ve just heard about them, right here, so go get set up and start digging out. And then you’ll be able to qualify for some good debt of your very own!
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Friday, February 22, 2008
Hot and Steamy Date
oooooooh, yeah, that's it, just like that, rub my sinus cavities, rub them real good.
Ahem. Yep, that's about the size of it, that's a hot and steamy date for us. Sitting together in a steam shower, suffering with swollen and inflamed sinuses, hoping we stumble onto that sinus pressure point of lore, the one that magically triggers a great sinus flood. Where is it? We need to find it! We frantically seek out the magic button hidden somewhere beneath our eyes and next to our noses, looking for relief.
What have we become? An old married couple? Is a hot and steamy date really a sick-fest in the shower? We used to be a 'hot' couple, in the 1970's disco sense of the word. Now we sit in the shower discussing our bulging midriffs and our equally bulging, at least that's how they feel, sinuses.
Here's the best part, we stepped out of our steamy shower feeling satisfied, we put on our flannel pajamas, and we slept the sleep of babies (in our house that means with a lot of nocturnal disturbances, but hey, it's the best we can do). How'd it happen? As for the sinuses, like this: start at the corner of each nostril and massage in a circular motion, towards the nose, almost closing each nostril, 10 times. Then massage beneath the inner corner of each eye, again, 10 times. Next find the cavity behind the earlobes and massage 10 times. Finally, the ear lobe itself, 10 times. Repeat this 4 step process 3 times, alternating direction of the circular massage motions. Believe it or not, our nasal passageways opened up allowing us to breathe easier. I think the steamy shower helped too. And as for the rest of our satisfaction that night? I guess we've sunk into the comfort of married life, of family life, of each other. That's pretty nice, too. Although, I must say, I think I'm going to pull the disco ball out of the basement for next date night and see what unfolds.
Ahem. Yep, that's about the size of it, that's a hot and steamy date for us. Sitting together in a steam shower, suffering with swollen and inflamed sinuses, hoping we stumble onto that sinus pressure point of lore, the one that magically triggers a great sinus flood. Where is it? We need to find it! We frantically seek out the magic button hidden somewhere beneath our eyes and next to our noses, looking for relief.
What have we become? An old married couple? Is a hot and steamy date really a sick-fest in the shower? We used to be a 'hot' couple, in the 1970's disco sense of the word. Now we sit in the shower discussing our bulging midriffs and our equally bulging, at least that's how they feel, sinuses.
Here's the best part, we stepped out of our steamy shower feeling satisfied, we put on our flannel pajamas, and we slept the sleep of babies (in our house that means with a lot of nocturnal disturbances, but hey, it's the best we can do). How'd it happen? As for the sinuses, like this: start at the corner of each nostril and massage in a circular motion, towards the nose, almost closing each nostril, 10 times. Then massage beneath the inner corner of each eye, again, 10 times. Next find the cavity behind the earlobes and massage 10 times. Finally, the ear lobe itself, 10 times. Repeat this 4 step process 3 times, alternating direction of the circular massage motions. Believe it or not, our nasal passageways opened up allowing us to breathe easier. I think the steamy shower helped too. And as for the rest of our satisfaction that night? I guess we've sunk into the comfort of married life, of family life, of each other. That's pretty nice, too. Although, I must say, I think I'm going to pull the disco ball out of the basement for next date night and see what unfolds.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Fear - It's Whats For Dinner
If there was a bottle of fear in the grocery store, would you buy it and feed it to your family? That was the thought in my mind yesterday morning as I by-passed the meat department at our grocery store. If you somehow missed the shocking footage from the beef processing plant out in California this past week, lucky you! It made its way into our cable-free, Fox-free home via the Newshour on public TV. And I can't shake the image of the fork lifted cow from my mind. It's enough to make one think of not eating meat anymore at all . . . and me likey like the steaky steak.
Have you ever been terrified? Not a little scared but truly terrified, fearing for your life, the bejesus scared right out of you? It happened to me once snorkeling in Saint John. There was an amazingly beautiful school of friendly little blue and silver fish, there must have been thousands of them from the sea floor to the surface, and to increase my awe and wonder I swam right through the middle of them and saw TWO GIANT SHARKS!! I screamed out loud under water and my husband swears he could actually hear it and I swam away like an Olympic athlete! Ok, they weren't sharks, rather some big fish eating fish having a rudely interrupted breakfast, but for a few seconds I perceived them as Jaws incarnate and man oh man I was so sickeningly scared. That's how the cows must feel. That fear adrenaline that coursed through my body probably courses through the cows' bodies, right? And then we eat it in our hamburgers, our meat sauces, our beef stroganoff. We say, "take two more bites and then you may be excused," to our babies.
Every farmer worth a salt will tell you an animal brought to slaughter must be kept as calm as possible. It's not that they feel bad for the creatures; it is that they know stressed and bruised meat won't sell (or shouldn't sell as the USFDA decided this past week). Scared animals make bad meat. The meat manufacturers know this. Dr. Temple Grandin knows it. She is a professor of Animal Studies at the Colorado State University who possesses the unique ability to think like an animal. Dr. Grandin has designed humane cattle and pig processing plants and is responsible for the humane slaughter of half the animals in this country.
But how do you know where your meat came from when it is neatly packaged on a slab of styrofoam at the grocery store? For now, we can't. And for now I am going to buy local. Living here in Maine enables us to buy meats from local farmers, slaughtered locally. I'll fit it in my budget, because it will cost more, but so be it. We can eat less meat of greater quality. But for many of you, living in places where you can't buy from the farmer, or deciding it won't fit in your budget, what are you to do? I bet even organic cows get scared when they smell the blood at the slaughter house. I bet even my local cows get scared, but hopefully it only lasts less than a second . . . fear - it's what's for dinner.
Have you ever been terrified? Not a little scared but truly terrified, fearing for your life, the bejesus scared right out of you? It happened to me once snorkeling in Saint John. There was an amazingly beautiful school of friendly little blue and silver fish, there must have been thousands of them from the sea floor to the surface, and to increase my awe and wonder I swam right through the middle of them and saw TWO GIANT SHARKS!! I screamed out loud under water and my husband swears he could actually hear it and I swam away like an Olympic athlete! Ok, they weren't sharks, rather some big fish eating fish having a rudely interrupted breakfast, but for a few seconds I perceived them as Jaws incarnate and man oh man I was so sickeningly scared. That's how the cows must feel. That fear adrenaline that coursed through my body probably courses through the cows' bodies, right? And then we eat it in our hamburgers, our meat sauces, our beef stroganoff. We say, "take two more bites and then you may be excused," to our babies.
Every farmer worth a salt will tell you an animal brought to slaughter must be kept as calm as possible. It's not that they feel bad for the creatures; it is that they know stressed and bruised meat won't sell (or shouldn't sell as the USFDA decided this past week). Scared animals make bad meat. The meat manufacturers know this. Dr. Temple Grandin knows it. She is a professor of Animal Studies at the Colorado State University who possesses the unique ability to think like an animal. Dr. Grandin has designed humane cattle and pig processing plants and is responsible for the humane slaughter of half the animals in this country.
But how do you know where your meat came from when it is neatly packaged on a slab of styrofoam at the grocery store? For now, we can't. And for now I am going to buy local. Living here in Maine enables us to buy meats from local farmers, slaughtered locally. I'll fit it in my budget, because it will cost more, but so be it. We can eat less meat of greater quality. But for many of you, living in places where you can't buy from the farmer, or deciding it won't fit in your budget, what are you to do? I bet even organic cows get scared when they smell the blood at the slaughter house. I bet even my local cows get scared, but hopefully it only lasts less than a second . . . fear - it's what's for dinner.
Monday, February 18, 2008
Competitive Parenting
Besides not having a Primary Election, there are a lot of things that just don't seem to be done in Maine - for the greater good of us all, I should add. For instance, we don't look twice at a blue tarped house, we don't consider 8am "very early," we don't need traffic lights because we drive courteously and we don't engage in Competitive Parenting.
Competitive Parenting is the practice of one-upmanship in regard to the progress your child is making in his or her development. It is reaching for (and creating) advantage over other children so that yours will get into a better pre-school, school, college, career, life. Experts say competitive parenting occurs to the detriment of the children and that's no wonder, is it? Pushing your child into classes, lessons, sports, etc. rather than just letting them choose their interests and have fun can't be a good thing, can it? But I think Competitive Parenting is most detrimental to the parents themselves.
(I was looking for a great definition of Competitive Parenting and stumbled onto this article in the Boston Globe which is worth a read if you're looking for a chuckle. http://www.boston.com/news/globe/editorial_opinion/oped/articles/2006/09/25/this_week_in_competitive_parenting/)
As I write this I think of the other Moms I know and am friendly with - we are a large and diverse group. There isn't a mother amongst us who doesn't want the best for her children and for them to attain success in all they do. Some of us are more liberal, others more conservative, some more eco-aware, some more churchy, but for the most part we are able to parent our kids and share our weaknesses and fears with each other in the process.
That I can admit to threatening my boy with not only going back to work, but going back to work in NYC and sending money for a babysitter, to my group of girlfriends is a good thing. And that I can share this and not be met with revulsion and judgment, but rather, understanding and sympathy and comments like, "I am so glad you shared that because I just fake-threatened my girl that she wouldn't be able to go on holiday with us!" is a wonderful thing. We've all had moments we are not proud of in raising our children because full time parenting can be so trying. Every child is different, every day is different, every challenge is different and there is no one right way to approach it. If it weren't for my fellow Moms, no matter how different they are in their political/religious/fundamental views, who would I commiserate with? And if I were unable to commiserate with this very varied group of women, how would I know I wasn't the only one who sometimes felt like/became a crazy lady, shrieking at her babies because they don't listen to whatever request for the 18th time in the last 5 minutes for the 12th time on a particular day and it is only 1 o'clock. What a lonely existence it would be without the shared stories of failure and success in a group of women who are not judging one another or comparing their kids to one another's.
Maybe it is a survival thing, because the climate here can be tough and there is a real sense of being able to rely on one's neighbors if necessary. Or maybe it is a "from away" thing, just like living in an expatriate community overseas, that makes the group supportive and accepting because many of us share being from someplace else. But whatever it is, we don't seem to partake in Competitive Parenting here in Maine, and that, like slowing down to let somebody in on the road, like grass-roots government, like being able to call a friend at 8am, is a good thing.
Competitive Parenting is the practice of one-upmanship in regard to the progress your child is making in his or her development. It is reaching for (and creating) advantage over other children so that yours will get into a better pre-school, school, college, career, life. Experts say competitive parenting occurs to the detriment of the children and that's no wonder, is it? Pushing your child into classes, lessons, sports, etc. rather than just letting them choose their interests and have fun can't be a good thing, can it? But I think Competitive Parenting is most detrimental to the parents themselves.
(I was looking for a great definition of Competitive Parenting and stumbled onto this article in the Boston Globe which is worth a read if you're looking for a chuckle. http://www.boston.com/news/globe/editorial_opinion/oped/articles/2006/09/25/this_week_in_competitive_parenting/)
As I write this I think of the other Moms I know and am friendly with - we are a large and diverse group. There isn't a mother amongst us who doesn't want the best for her children and for them to attain success in all they do. Some of us are more liberal, others more conservative, some more eco-aware, some more churchy, but for the most part we are able to parent our kids and share our weaknesses and fears with each other in the process.
That I can admit to threatening my boy with not only going back to work, but going back to work in NYC and sending money for a babysitter, to my group of girlfriends is a good thing. And that I can share this and not be met with revulsion and judgment, but rather, understanding and sympathy and comments like, "I am so glad you shared that because I just fake-threatened my girl that she wouldn't be able to go on holiday with us!" is a wonderful thing. We've all had moments we are not proud of in raising our children because full time parenting can be so trying. Every child is different, every day is different, every challenge is different and there is no one right way to approach it. If it weren't for my fellow Moms, no matter how different they are in their political/religious/fundamental views, who would I commiserate with? And if I were unable to commiserate with this very varied group of women, how would I know I wasn't the only one who sometimes felt like/became a crazy lady, shrieking at her babies because they don't listen to whatever request for the 18th time in the last 5 minutes for the 12th time on a particular day and it is only 1 o'clock. What a lonely existence it would be without the shared stories of failure and success in a group of women who are not judging one another or comparing their kids to one another's.
Maybe it is a survival thing, because the climate here can be tough and there is a real sense of being able to rely on one's neighbors if necessary. Or maybe it is a "from away" thing, just like living in an expatriate community overseas, that makes the group supportive and accepting because many of us share being from someplace else. But whatever it is, we don't seem to partake in Competitive Parenting here in Maine, and that, like slowing down to let somebody in on the road, like grass-roots government, like being able to call a friend at 8am, is a good thing.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Democratic Caucus
What a concept: 100 people or so gather in the local gym and then literally divide up by candidate and organize themselves enough to count heads. If you are from a caucusing state you might think it old hat, but me, I'm from Jersey and we have a primary there. Before this year I never picked a party, I always liked to maintain that I was independent, middle of the road, a free wheeling social commentator of no particular party (aside from the party that always seemed to generate wherever I happened to be drinking that day). But this year it was important to go and caucus, as a Democrat, because really I always voted straight down the Democratic side anyway except for that one time when I think I voted for Ross Perot -- is that even possible? What can I say? I really loved his budget pie charts.
Well this year I live in Maine and so I went with a few hundred of my fellow townspeople and those from neighboring towns to the middle school gym - which is a trip and a half by itself, it is so old timey! Here is how it looked - not the gym but the people there. There were about twice as many Barack people as Hillary people. The Barack people had lots of babies and children running around and I was sorry I didn't bring my kids to run around too. The Hillary people had a lot of "ladies" in sweater sets and then a lot of ladies traveling together as part of a set, if you get my drift. There were some speeches by volunteers and then the five towns represented split up into their respective areas of the room. My town had 98 people standing and somebody was to volunteer to be the caucus secretary. That's where I stood up - I was kidless and wanted to make the most of my civic duty. As secretary I took some notes, we did some caucusy stuff and then the caucus chairwoman said "Hillary people over here, Obama people move over there." And that was it. There were twice as many Obama people and for a few minutes everyone was watching them dicker around trying to agree on an easy head count method. Then I noticed the Hillary people quietly forming rows of 5 until they were counted with nary a word. Everyone laughed - the Obama people yelled that the Hillary people were so militant and the Hillary people yelled that they had gotten the job done fast.
It ended up that from my town, Hillary got just 3 delegates and Obama got 6 - as secretary it was my pleasure to record the names before taking my leave into the snowy, icy night. And that was the Democratic Caucus, mid-coast Maine style.
Well this year I live in Maine and so I went with a few hundred of my fellow townspeople and those from neighboring towns to the middle school gym - which is a trip and a half by itself, it is so old timey! Here is how it looked - not the gym but the people there. There were about twice as many Barack people as Hillary people. The Barack people had lots of babies and children running around and I was sorry I didn't bring my kids to run around too. The Hillary people had a lot of "ladies" in sweater sets and then a lot of ladies traveling together as part of a set, if you get my drift. There were some speeches by volunteers and then the five towns represented split up into their respective areas of the room. My town had 98 people standing and somebody was to volunteer to be the caucus secretary. That's where I stood up - I was kidless and wanted to make the most of my civic duty. As secretary I took some notes, we did some caucusy stuff and then the caucus chairwoman said "Hillary people over here, Obama people move over there." And that was it. There were twice as many Obama people and for a few minutes everyone was watching them dicker around trying to agree on an easy head count method. Then I noticed the Hillary people quietly forming rows of 5 until they were counted with nary a word. Everyone laughed - the Obama people yelled that the Hillary people were so militant and the Hillary people yelled that they had gotten the job done fast.
It ended up that from my town, Hillary got just 3 delegates and Obama got 6 - as secretary it was my pleasure to record the names before taking my leave into the snowy, icy night. And that was the Democratic Caucus, mid-coast Maine style.
Saturday, February 9, 2008
Controlling the Budget
If you've read my earlier posts, you will know I have an awesome and amazing budget spreadsheet. It is a tool I use practically every day (practically in both the sense that it's just about every day and the use of the budget is very practical). In a nutshell, you budget out your whole year on a weekly basis and each week has a bottom line which should match the amount left in your checking account after all income and spending for the week are recorded. Each week's bottom line is added to the income of the next week and then expenses are deducted leaving you with an amount that should again match the checking account. I am so wildly excited about my budget tool that I thought I'd put it in a box and sell but, alas, someone beat me to it! No kidding, the same exact idea and approach to budgeting! No such thing as new ideas. Anyway, you can have mine for free! Just send me an e-mail and I'll send you my budget spreadsheet. But that is not what this post is about. This post is about those items on the budget you can control.
Controllable line items: spending money, gas, groceries, and income are a few to start out with. My favorite one to control is INCOME. There are lots of easy ways to increase the income line of your budget besides the obvious, though not always possible, getting a job/getting a raise at existing job. Sell something on e-bay or Craig's List or, like we do in Maine, Uncle Henry's. Have a yard sale, though it isn't really the season now, is it. Start a business from home - I just put up a sign myself! Take in some freelance work from whatever your career was before having kids, write a blog and sign on with an internet ad service, baby sit for working moms (I'd stick a needle in my eye first, but hey, some of you might love other people's kids like I don't). Get creative and increase your income - you are in control of this one and as quickly as you accept this power you will see how to use it.
Groceries are another easy item to control but it takes time and planning. This will deserve a separate post, but quickly, this is what I do and I feed my family very well on very little. Write out a dinner menu for the week (lunch is typically leftovers and breakfast is a rotation of cereal, oatmeal, pancakes, eggs). Take your menu to the pantry and see what you don't have to buy to prepare it. Make grocery list accordingly. Then, price out the list. Anyone who has done some shopping has a general sense of what things cost (or else 'The Price is Right' wouldn't have ever been a show, right?). Tally it up -- did you make your grocery budget? Need to shave a little? Start with simple swaps - chicken thighs for chicken breasts. Top round for london broil. OK, now tally it up -- still off the mark? Make some bigger adjustments - cancel one dinner and have breakfast for dinner that night. Eliminate fresh broccoli for frozen peas. Pull that frozen poultry out of the freezer and utilize it this week. Another way to start is with the weekly sales flyers - base your menu on what's on sale and then go through the steps I briefly described above.
Gas and spending money go together and are very easy to control. Stay home. Just gracefully bow out of whatever thing you think you need to be at and stay home instead. The world will still turn and even better, you will be on budget. Pretend it is the olden days, pre-credit cards, and just don't go out and buy gas or anything else when the budget is tight. Instead stay home and color with your kids or make money some creative way.
Controlling the Budget is so doable once you realize you have the power. Many folks out there think they have to do and buy certain things and very simply put - they do not. Once you accept this you will see how to control your budget even when you are living paycheck to paycheck, digging out of debt, paying student loans, have little kids, etc. It is an awesome feeling - controlling the budget.
Controllable line items: spending money, gas, groceries, and income are a few to start out with. My favorite one to control is INCOME. There are lots of easy ways to increase the income line of your budget besides the obvious, though not always possible, getting a job/getting a raise at existing job. Sell something on e-bay or Craig's List or, like we do in Maine, Uncle Henry's. Have a yard sale, though it isn't really the season now, is it. Start a business from home - I just put up a sign myself! Take in some freelance work from whatever your career was before having kids, write a blog and sign on with an internet ad service, baby sit for working moms (I'd stick a needle in my eye first, but hey, some of you might love other people's kids like I don't). Get creative and increase your income - you are in control of this one and as quickly as you accept this power you will see how to use it.
Groceries are another easy item to control but it takes time and planning. This will deserve a separate post, but quickly, this is what I do and I feed my family very well on very little. Write out a dinner menu for the week (lunch is typically leftovers and breakfast is a rotation of cereal, oatmeal, pancakes, eggs). Take your menu to the pantry and see what you don't have to buy to prepare it. Make grocery list accordingly. Then, price out the list. Anyone who has done some shopping has a general sense of what things cost (or else 'The Price is Right' wouldn't have ever been a show, right?). Tally it up -- did you make your grocery budget? Need to shave a little? Start with simple swaps - chicken thighs for chicken breasts. Top round for london broil. OK, now tally it up -- still off the mark? Make some bigger adjustments - cancel one dinner and have breakfast for dinner that night. Eliminate fresh broccoli for frozen peas. Pull that frozen poultry out of the freezer and utilize it this week. Another way to start is with the weekly sales flyers - base your menu on what's on sale and then go through the steps I briefly described above.
Gas and spending money go together and are very easy to control. Stay home. Just gracefully bow out of whatever thing you think you need to be at and stay home instead. The world will still turn and even better, you will be on budget. Pretend it is the olden days, pre-credit cards, and just don't go out and buy gas or anything else when the budget is tight. Instead stay home and color with your kids or make money some creative way.
Controlling the Budget is so doable once you realize you have the power. Many folks out there think they have to do and buy certain things and very simply put - they do not. Once you accept this you will see how to control your budget even when you are living paycheck to paycheck, digging out of debt, paying student loans, have little kids, etc. It is an awesome feeling - controlling the budget.
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Negative Space
You need to know bad to know good, right? Live the ying from time to time to get the yang. Just so, you must see the negative space of an image in order to see the image itself, the positive space. The image wouldn't exist without acknowledging the space surrounding it, that so-called negative space.
Living in a family is a positive place. So then the negative space surrounding that family is being away from it. I must spend some time away from my family in order to see what a beautiful thing we are.
A chance to miss them. So many of us stay at home moms/dads/etc. don't have this chance but I think it is really important in order to appreciate how wonderful being a part of a family is. Too often I lose track of the greater purpose and get caught up in the day to day drudgery that goes along with staying home with little children. The constant messes, the inane conversations about whether one can or can not walk on ice in rain boots without slipping (I still maintain, should you ever read this young son, that one can not, which is neither here nor there because you have to wear your snow boots when its icy and snowy outside), the multiplying, regurgitating laundry pile. This drudgery can so easily take over - sometimes I forget I chose to raise my kids full time. Sometimes I lose my patience and yell and then think - is this the best I can do? Maybe I should just get a job and put them in daycare . . .
But then, I take a day to be on my own, leave them with their Dad and do something by myself and it is like suddenly seeing the negative space of an image. You know that 'Aha Moment' when you see the face between the vases? That's when I get my chance to miss them and then the image is so much clearer for me again and I can see them for what they are, the positive space.
So, go on, take a moment to dwell in the negative space outside your family. It's a requirement to be an excellent full-time mom/dad/etc.
Living in a family is a positive place. So then the negative space surrounding that family is being away from it. I must spend some time away from my family in order to see what a beautiful thing we are.
A chance to miss them. So many of us stay at home moms/dads/etc. don't have this chance but I think it is really important in order to appreciate how wonderful being a part of a family is. Too often I lose track of the greater purpose and get caught up in the day to day drudgery that goes along with staying home with little children. The constant messes, the inane conversations about whether one can or can not walk on ice in rain boots without slipping (I still maintain, should you ever read this young son, that one can not, which is neither here nor there because you have to wear your snow boots when its icy and snowy outside), the multiplying, regurgitating laundry pile. This drudgery can so easily take over - sometimes I forget I chose to raise my kids full time. Sometimes I lose my patience and yell and then think - is this the best I can do? Maybe I should just get a job and put them in daycare . . .
But then, I take a day to be on my own, leave them with their Dad and do something by myself and it is like suddenly seeing the negative space of an image. You know that 'Aha Moment' when you see the face between the vases? That's when I get my chance to miss them and then the image is so much clearer for me again and I can see them for what they are, the positive space.
So, go on, take a moment to dwell in the negative space outside your family. It's a requirement to be an excellent full-time mom/dad/etc.
Saturday, February 2, 2008
The Nose Knows
Here's a neat sign that things are going well in your household -- recently a friend of mine was watching my kids whilst a group of our brawny husbands, with me as supervisor, of course, picked up a free piano. Now, Baby wears cloth diapers and typically when in the care of others I don't impose our healthy diapering on them, but this particular friend is a cloth diaperer herself and she took the initiative to change Baby the wholesome way, with cloth. OK, now I am getting up to the part where there is a good sign my home is being run smoothly. My friend was unable to locate the diaper pail to dispose of Baby's soiled goods. Let me just repeat that:
My friend was unable to locate the diaper pail to dispose of Baby's soiled goods.
HAH! In your face cloth diaper naysayers! Neither by sight nor smell was my diaper pail availed! That's because I launder diapers on a daily basis which requires just the wee tiniest, prettiest little retro number of a stainless steel pail. It has a nice plastic canister insert which I go ahead and rinse while the first cold water rinse is filling for my diapers. That's right, I rinse my diaper pail in the washing machine every day. It takes about 20 seconds.
Now if you have ever been to a home with a diaper genie or any other sort of modern apparatus that stores multitudes of poop and pee disposables, with the poop and pee still intact, mind you, well then you know that awful "sanitized" odor that goes with it. Absolutely repugnant. Cloth diapers are much cleaner than their chemical laden disposable counterparts, but are popularly considered to be quite the contrary. Well, the nose knows, doesn't it.
My friend was unable to locate the diaper pail to dispose of Baby's soiled goods.
HAH! In your face cloth diaper naysayers! Neither by sight nor smell was my diaper pail availed! That's because I launder diapers on a daily basis which requires just the wee tiniest, prettiest little retro number of a stainless steel pail. It has a nice plastic canister insert which I go ahead and rinse while the first cold water rinse is filling for my diapers. That's right, I rinse my diaper pail in the washing machine every day. It takes about 20 seconds.
Now if you have ever been to a home with a diaper genie or any other sort of modern apparatus that stores multitudes of poop and pee disposables, with the poop and pee still intact, mind you, well then you know that awful "sanitized" odor that goes with it. Absolutely repugnant. Cloth diapers are much cleaner than their chemical laden disposable counterparts, but are popularly considered to be quite the contrary. Well, the nose knows, doesn't it.
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